Once upon a time, long, long ago a king and queen ruled over a distant land. The queen was kind and lovely and all the people of the realm adored her. The only sadness in the queen's life was that she wished for a child but did not have one.
One winter day, the queen was doing needle work while gazing out her ebony window at the new fallen snow. A bird flew by the window startling the queen and she pricked her finger. A single drop of blood fell on the snow outside her window. As she looked at the blood on the snow she said to herself, "Oh, how I wish that I had a daughter that had skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony."
Soon after that, the kind queen got her wish when she gave birth to a baby girl who had skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as ebony. They named the baby princess Snow White, but sadly, the queen died after giving birth to Snow White.
Soon after, the king married a new woman who was beautiful, but as well proud and cruel. She had studied dark magic and owned a magic mirror, of which she would daily ask,
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?.
Each time this question was asked, the mirror would give the same answer, "Thou, O Queen, art the fairest of all." This pleased the queen greatly as she knew that her magical mirror could speak nothing but the truth.
One morning when the queen asked, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" she was shocked when it answered:
You, my queen, are fair; it is true.
But Snow White is even fairer than you.
The Queen flew into a jealous rage and ordered her huntsman to take Snow White into the woods to be killed. She demanded that the huntsman return with Snow White's heart as proof.
The poor huntsman took Snow White into the forest, but found himself unable to kill the girl. Instead, he let her go, and brought the queen the heart of a wild boar.
Snow White was now all alone in the great forest, and she did not know what to do. The trees seemed to whisper to each other, scaring Snow White who began to run. She ran over sharp stones and through thorns. She ran as far as her feet could carry her, and just as evening was about to fall she saw a little house and went inside in order to rest.
Inside the house everything was small but tidy. There was a little table with a tidy, white tablecloth and seven little plates. Against the wall there were seven little beds, all in a row and covered with quilts.
Because she was so hungry Snow White ate a few vegetables and a little bread from each little plate and from each cup she drank a bit of milk. Afterward, because she was so tired, she lay down on one of the little beds and fell fast asleep.
After dark, the owners of the house returned home. They were the seven dwarves who mined for gold in the mountains. As soon as they arrived home, they saw that someone had been there -- for not everything was in the same order as they had left it.
The first one said, "Who has been sitting in my chair?"
The second one, "Who has been eating from my plate?"
The third one, "Who has been eating my bread?"
The fourth one, "Who has been eating my vegetables?"
The fifth one, "Who has been eating with my fork?"
The sixth one, "Who has been drinking from my cup?"
But the seventh one, looking at his bed, found Snow White lying there asleep. The seven dwarves all came running up, and they cried out with amazement. They fetched their seven candles and shone the light on Snow White.
"Oh good heaven! " they cried. "This child is beautiful!"
They were so happy that they did not wake her up, but let her continue to sleep in the bed. The next morning Snow White woke up, and when she saw the seven dwarves she was frightened. But they were friendly and asked, "What is your name?"
"My name is Snow White," she answered.
"How did you find your way to our house?" the dwarves asked further.
Then she told them that her stepmother had tried to kill her, that the huntsman had spared her life, and that she had run the entire day through the forest, finally stumbling upon their house.
The dwarves spoke with each other for awhile and then said, "If you will keep house for us, and cook, make beds, wash, sew, and knit, and keep everything clean and orderly, then you can stay with us, and you shall have everything that you want."
"Yes," said Snow White, "with all my heart." For Snow White greatly enjoyed keeping a tidy home.
So Snow White lived happily with the dwarves. Every morning they went into the mountains looking for gold, and in the evening when they came back home Snow White had their meal ready and their house tidy. During the day the girl was alone, except for the small animals of the forest that she often played with.
Now the queen, believing that she had eaten Snow White's heart, could only think that she was again the first and the most beautiful woman of all. She stepped before her mirror and said:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
It answered:
You, my queen, are fair; it is true.
But Snow White, beyond the mountains
With the seven dwarves,
Is still a thousand times fairer than you.
This startled the queen, for she knew that the mirror did not lie, and she realized that the huntsman had deceived her and that Snow White was still alive. Then she thought, and thought again, how she could rid herself of Snow White -- for as long as long as she was not the most beautiful woman in the entire land her jealousy would give her no rest.
At last she thought of something. She went into her most secret room -- no one else was allowed inside -- and she made a poisoned apple. From the outside it was beautiful, and anyone who saw it would want it. But anyone who might eat a little piece of it would died. Coloring her face, she disguised herself as an old peddler woman, so that no one would recognize her, traveled to the dwarves house and knocked on the door.
Snow White put her head out of the window, and said, "I must not let anyone in; the seven dwarves have forbidden me to do so."
"That is all right with me," answered the peddler woman. "I'll easily get rid of my apples. Here, I'll give you one of them."
"No," said Snow White, "I cannot accept anything from strangers."
"Are you afraid of poison?" asked the old woman. "Look, I'll cut the apple in two. You eat half and I shall eat half."
Now the apple had been so artfully made that only the one half was poisoned. Snow White longed for the beautiful apple, and when she saw that the peddler woman was eating part of it she could no longer resist, and she stuck her hand out and took the poisoned half. She barely had a bite in her mouth when she fell to the ground dead.
The queen looked at her with an evil stare, laughed loudly, and said, "White as snow, red as blood, black as ebony wood! The dwarves shall never awaken you."
Back at home she asked her mirror:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
It finally answered:
You, my queen, are fairest of all.
Then her cruel and jealous heart was at rest, as well as a cruel and jealous heart can be at rest.
When the dwarves came home that evening they found Snow White lying on the ground. She was not breathing at all. She was dead. They lifted her up and looked at her longingly. They talked to her, shook her and wept over her. But nothing helped. The dear child was dead, and she remained dead. They laid her on a bed of straw, and all seven sat next to her and mourned for her and cried for three days. They were going to bury her, but she still looked as fresh as a living person, and still had her beautiful red cheeks.
They said, "We cannot bury her in the black earth," and they had a transparent glass coffin made, so she could be seen from all sides. They laid her inside, and with golden letters wrote on it her name, and that she was a princess. Then they put the coffin outside on a mountain, and one of them always stayed with it and watched over her. The animals too came and mourned for Snow White, first an owl, then a raven, and finally a dove.
Now it came to pass that a prince entered these woods and happened onto the dwarves' house, where he sought shelter for the night . He saw the coffin on the mountain with beautiful Snow White in it, and he read what was written on it with golden letters.
Then he said to the dwarves, "Let me have the coffin. I will give you anything you want for it."
But the dwarves answered, "We will not sell it for all the gold in the world."
Then he said, "Then give it to me, for I cannot live without being able to see Snow White. I will honor her and respect her as my most cherished one."
As he thus spoke, the good dwarves felt pity for him and gave him the coffin. The prince had his servants carry it away on their shoulders. But then it happened that one of them stumbled on some brush, and this dislodged from Snow White's throat the piece of poisoned apple that she had bitten off. Not long afterward she opened her eyes, lifted the lid from her coffin, sat up, and was alive again.
"Good heavens, where am I?" she cried out.
The prince said joyfully, "You are with me." He told her what had happened, and then said, "I love you more than anything else in the world. Come with me to my father's castle. You shall become my wife." Snow White loved him, and she went with him. Their wedding was planned with great splendor and majesty.
Snow White's wicked step-mother was invited to the feast, and when she had arrayed herself in her most beautiful garments, she stood before her mirror, and said:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?
The mirror answered:
You, my queen, are fair; it is true.
But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you.
Not knowing that this new queen was indeed her stepdaughter, she arrived at the wedding, and her heart filled with the deepest of dread when she realized the truth - the evil queen was banished from the land forever and the prince and Snow White lived happily ever after.
MEDICAL PROBLEM
An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read writings of Plato, Saint Augustine of Hippo, Jesus Christ, and Aristotle. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey, " I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for Clinton's latest book "Family Morals in America". Listening to a PBS station on the radio, I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. Later, I realized that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Jerry Spinger" talking about the song "I'm bad" by Michael Jacks. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. Life just seemed .. more bland .. without purpose or meaning, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking, and avoided thoughts about the meaning of life and my future. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home and the office. Now I stare for hours at the T.V. and receive my daily dose of brainwashing instead of contemplating the mysteries of life.
Have you joined Thinker's Anonymous yet?
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read writings of Plato, Saint Augustine of Hippo, Jesus Christ, and Aristotle. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey, " I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for Clinton's latest book "Family Morals in America". Listening to a PBS station on the radio, I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. Later, I realized that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Jerry Spinger" talking about the song "I'm bad" by Michael Jacks. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. Life just seemed .. more bland .. without purpose or meaning, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking, and avoided thoughts about the meaning of life and my future. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home and the office. Now I stare for hours at the T.V. and receive my daily dose of brainwashing instead of contemplating the mysteries of life.
Have you joined Thinker's Anonymous yet?
Two Blind Pilots
Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the pl ane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the pl ane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."
STEP MOTHER STORY
Tired of the cruel mistreatment they endured from their stepmother, a brother and sister ran away from home one day. The two children wandered off into the countryside and spent the night in the woods. When the next morning came, the brother was thirsty and the pair went on the lookout for a spring of clear water. The evil stepmother had already discovered their escape, however, and bewitched all the springs in the forest. The brother was about to drink from one, when his sister heard how its rushing sound said, "Whoever drinks from me will become a tiger."
Desperately, the sister begged her brother not to drink from the well, lest he transform into a wild animal and tear her to pieces. So they went back on their way, but when they came to the second spring the sister heard it say, "Whoever drinks from me will become a wolf." Again, the sister desperately tried to prevent her brother from drinking. Reluctantly, he eventually agreed to his sister's pleas but insisted he would drink at the next spring they encountered. And so they arrived at the third spring, and his sister overheard the rushing water cry, "Whoever drinks from me will become a deer." But it was too late, because the brother had already drunk from the water, and changed into a deer.
Sculpture „Brother and Sister“, created in 1970 by Katharina Szelinski-SingerAs the initial feeling of despair cleared up, the pair decided to stay and live in the woods forever. The sister would take care of her brother, and tied her gold chain around his neck. They went to live in a little house deep within the woods and lived there happily for some years, until they were disturbed one day by a hunting party, and the king himself followed the strange deer home. Upon seeing the beautiful sister, he immediately asked her to marry him, a proposal she accepted. Thus the sister became queen and they all went to live happily in the king's castle.
Her stepmother however soon discovered that the pair were still alive and plotted against them. One night she killed the queen and replaced her with her own ugly daughter, whom she had transformed to resemble her. When the queen's ghost secretly visited the bedside of her infant son for three consecutive nights however, the king caught on and the stepmother's evil plan was exposed.
The queen came back to life and the witch and her daughter were tried for their crimes. The daughter was banished into the woods and torn to pieces by animals, and the stepmother was burned at the stake. At the exact moment of the witch's death, the brother became human again and at long last, the family was reunited. They all lived happily ever after.
Desperately, the sister begged her brother not to drink from the well, lest he transform into a wild animal and tear her to pieces. So they went back on their way, but when they came to the second spring the sister heard it say, "Whoever drinks from me will become a wolf." Again, the sister desperately tried to prevent her brother from drinking. Reluctantly, he eventually agreed to his sister's pleas but insisted he would drink at the next spring they encountered. And so they arrived at the third spring, and his sister overheard the rushing water cry, "Whoever drinks from me will become a deer." But it was too late, because the brother had already drunk from the water, and changed into a deer.
Sculpture „Brother and Sister“, created in 1970 by Katharina Szelinski-SingerAs the initial feeling of despair cleared up, the pair decided to stay and live in the woods forever. The sister would take care of her brother, and tied her gold chain around his neck. They went to live in a little house deep within the woods and lived there happily for some years, until they were disturbed one day by a hunting party, and the king himself followed the strange deer home. Upon seeing the beautiful sister, he immediately asked her to marry him, a proposal she accepted. Thus the sister became queen and they all went to live happily in the king's castle.
Her stepmother however soon discovered that the pair were still alive and plotted against them. One night she killed the queen and replaced her with her own ugly daughter, whom she had transformed to resemble her. When the queen's ghost secretly visited the bedside of her infant son for three consecutive nights however, the king caught on and the stepmother's evil plan was exposed.
The queen came back to life and the witch and her daughter were tried for their crimes. The daughter was banished into the woods and torn to pieces by animals, and the stepmother was burned at the stake. At the exact moment of the witch's death, the brother became human again and at long last, the family was reunited. They all lived happily ever after.
THE DRAGON AND HIS GRANDMOTHER
Three soldiers could not live on their pay, and so attempted to desert by hiding in a cornfield but, when the army did not march on, were soon caught between starving there or emerging to execution. A dragon/Beelzebul flew by, offered to save them if they served it for seven years, and when they agreed, carried them off. It was, however, the devil; he gave them a whip with which they could make money, but said at the end of seven years, they were his, unless they could guess a riddle, in which case they would be free and could have the whip.
At the end of the seven years, two of the soldiers were morose at the thought of their fate. An old woman advised them to go down to a cottage for help. The third soldier, who had not feared the riddle, went down and met the devil's grandmother. She was pleased with his manner and hid him in the cellar. When the demon came, she questioned him, and the soldier learned the answers.
The demon found them at the end of the seven years, and told he would take them to hell and give them a meal, and the riddles were what was the meat, the silver spoon, and the wineglass for that meal. The answers were a dead sea-cat in the North Sea, a whale rib, and an old horse's hoof.
So the soldiers escaped him and kept the whip.
At the end of the seven years, two of the soldiers were morose at the thought of their fate. An old woman advised them to go down to a cottage for help. The third soldier, who had not feared the riddle, went down and met the devil's grandmother. She was pleased with his manner and hid him in the cellar. When the demon came, she questioned him, and the soldier learned the answers.
The demon found them at the end of the seven years, and told he would take them to hell and give them a meal, and the riddles were what was the meat, the silver spoon, and the wineglass for that meal. The answers were a dead sea-cat in the North Sea, a whale rib, and an old horse's hoof.
So the soldiers escaped him and kept the whip.
MAGIC STORY
A boy set out to seek service. He was rude to an old man, refusing to give up the way, but entered his service. The old man set him to keep some rooms clean and scatter sand on the floor, told him where to find food and let him wear clothing that was there, and forbade him to enter one room. The boy immediately cleaned nothing but his own room, and then, after some days, went into the room. He found a heap of bones and some books; he took one book, found it was magical, and learned shapeshifting from it. He ran away to home, but his father thought he had stolen the fine clothing and sent him off. The boy told him to sell the dog he would find by the door the next day, but be sure to take the strap back. The dog appeared, and at his wife's insistence, the father sold it and kept the strap. When the boy appeared again, his father still would not admit him. The boy told him to sell a cow that would appear the next day, and to the king, but he must take its halter and come back by the forest. The cow appeared, and the man sold it, but when the butcher went to kill it, it turned to a dove and flew off. The king sent men after the man, but he had gone by the forest, and they did not find him.
The father would still not accept his son. The next day, it was a horse, but because the buyer offered as much for the bridle as for the horse, the father sold it as well. The old man led the horse off to have it shod. The smith offered him a drink first, and the horse persuaded a servant maid to free him. He turned to a dove and flew off. The old man pursued as a hawk, but the boy turned into a gold ring and fell before the princess, and she took him up. He turned into a man alone with her, and they met often for a long time. One day, the king saw him, and had his daughter shut up in a tower. But the princess and the boy fell through a tunnel there, to a golden castle, and when the king opened the tower for the funeral, there were no bodies. He sent a soldier down it. The soldier told them that the king was sorry. The boy went back to him, disguised as a king, and asked what should be done to a king who had buried his daughter alive for loving a peasant. The king said that he should be burned and his ashes scattered. The boy told him that he was the man, but pardoned him, and the wedding was held
The father would still not accept his son. The next day, it was a horse, but because the buyer offered as much for the bridle as for the horse, the father sold it as well. The old man led the horse off to have it shod. The smith offered him a drink first, and the horse persuaded a servant maid to free him. He turned to a dove and flew off. The old man pursued as a hawk, but the boy turned into a gold ring and fell before the princess, and she took him up. He turned into a man alone with her, and they met often for a long time. One day, the king saw him, and had his daughter shut up in a tower. But the princess and the boy fell through a tunnel there, to a golden castle, and when the king opened the tower for the funeral, there were no bodies. He sent a soldier down it. The soldier told them that the king was sorry. The boy went back to him, disguised as a king, and asked what should be done to a king who had buried his daughter alive for loving a peasant. The king said that he should be burned and his ashes scattered. The boy told him that he was the man, but pardoned him, and the wedding was held
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